Dear Jane, Suffering from Imposter Syndrome
I’m fortunate enough to own a company that’s actually grown throughout the pandemic. We’ve expanded our team, added new products, and our profits are higher than ever.
I know that I should feel proud of my accomplishments, but when I get still, a little voice whispers, “You’re a fraud and you don’t deserve this.”
The reality is that I’m not a fraud. I have my MBA, my business practices are ethical, and I work damn hard for everything that I have which includes a home, beautiful children, great friends, and a wonderful life partner.
When I compare myself to my male, and even female, counterparts, I still feel like I cheated my way to the top and that I’m not as capable as everyone thinks that I am -that somehow, my life is a facade waiting to come crashing down.
I know that these thoughts are irrational, but I don’t know how to turn them off. It’s to the point that my anxiety, depression, and feelings of overwhelm have started to affect my ability to trust my gut and make decisions because I’m constantly second-guessing myself.
Jane, how do I get the imposter’s voice out of my head and embrace the deserving woman that I am?
– Feeling Like a Fraud
Write down the thoughts that are making you feel like you’re not deserving and then ask yourself, ‘When was the first time that I felt like who I am isn’t enough?’”
Dear Feeling Like a Fraud,
Unfortunately, a lot of educated, successful, and highly achieving women suffer from imposter syndrome, so you’re definitely not alone. Doubting your intellectual ability and whether or not you deserve all of your success is a common side effect of either growing up in a highly critical household, low self-esteem, being around misogynists, constantly comparing yourself to others, and so on.
There’s also at least five different ways that imposter syndrome shows up in someone’s life from being a perfectionist, having to be an expert, to trying to be a superhero. So since it’s such a complicated internal experience, I’ve narrowed it down to my top three insights on how to heal from feeling like an imposter.
#1: Make Hello Mellow and Nighty Night Capsules Your Best Friend
When you start your day, enjoy a Hello Mellow capsule to get a jump start on something that may help with easing your anxiety and depressive thoughts. Then, when you feel your thoughts start to spin down a self-loathing spiral, take another capsule, focus on your breathing, and allow yourself a few minutes to settle and reset. You deserve to take the time throughout your day to take care of your well-being.
Come bedtime, about 30 minutes before bed, take a Nighty Night capsule which may help ensure a peaceful and restorative night’s rest. Getting quality sleep is essential to your overall mental health and well-being, so be sure to prioritize getting enough sleep each night. When you start with a strong, clear, and well-rested mind, it’s easier to be conscious and self-aware of your thoughts.
Pro tip: Save some money and stock on the 24 Hour Magic Bundles that come with both the Hello Mellow and Nighty Night capsules.
#2: Start Journaling and Question Your Thoughts
Another thing I would suggest is to start journaling your thoughts when you start to feel inadequate and not good enough. Write down the thoughts that are making you feel like a fraud and not deserving and then ask yourself, “Who told me that I didn’t deserve these things? When was the first time that I felt like who I am isn’t enough?” Getting some perspective on your thoughts will help you to weed out the self-limiting beliefs that are giving you anxiety and keeping you depressed from the life-affirming beliefs that reinforce your intrinsic value and worthiness. Betoken sells journals that are perfect for just this!
#3: Seek Support On Getting Clarity on Its Root Cause
Again, since imposter syndrome is such a complex internal experience of feeling inadequate, like a fraud, or that someone you’re not as competent as people think you are, I would definitely recommend finding a therapist or counselor who specializes in this to help you on your journey to self-worth. It’s always better to enlist the aid of a professional when navigating new and sometimes scary emotional places within yourself. She or he can also help you to identify some of the root causes of your imposter syndrome and can then help you heal that wound. You got this sis, you are so worthy.
Jane is the fictional heroine of the Betoken lifestyle blog, Good For Jane. Think of Jane as your virtual BFF. She lives a healthy lifestyle, but not like, over the top. When it’s not a pandemic, she loves hanging out with her friends, dating, and exercising in public. Throughout the pandemic she has baked her fair share of sourdoughs, gotten more than her fair share of takeout to “support her local restaurants”, ordered wine online and taken plenty of CBD to keep the anxiety at bay.
Jane is also the editor of the Dear Jane column. If you have a question for Jane, you can email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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