Dear Jane, Stifled by the stigma of being a b*tch
Whenever I have to tell someone ‘no’ or put my own needs first, I seriously have mini panic attacks.
I get a pit in my stomach, my heart starts to race, and I start to sweat all over. I’ve never been good at standing up for myself and I hate feeling as though I’m letting someone else down.
I guess what it boils down to is that I was always taught that I needed to have a ‘good heart’ and to be a ‘nice person.’ Saying no was called being selfish and it ran the risk of people thinking that I was a b*tch, and therefore, it ran the risk of me not being liked.
When I see other women who are able to put themselves first, I secretly wish that I could be more like them. But I’m too afraid of being called “difficult” so my self-confidence suffers.
Jane, how do I find my voice and learn how to establish boundaries with other people without feeling like a selfish b*itch?
Owning your voice means that you’re a healthy, well-adjusted, and confident adult, so soon the need to derive your worth based on the opinion of others will start to lessen.”
It’s a common way to manipulate people. Tell them that if they tell you ‘no’ or if they put their own well-being first that somehow that makes them selfish. When the truth is, what they are really saying is, “If you don’t do what I want you to do, then you’re selfish.”
Now, who’s truly the selfish person in that scenario? But don’t worry, with the help of the Hello Mellow capsules, you can ease your disease to please, find your voice, and start saying ‘no’ to the sh*t that does not serve you, without having a crippling panic attack.
Around 30 minutes before having to have difficult conversations or just conversations where you need a boost of self-confidence, take a Hello Mellow capsule which combines the powerful benefits of Hemp CBD with other plant botanicals to level out your mood, destress your mind and body, and ease your anxiety. This should help to deter those pesky panic attacks.
But the biggest thing I would work on is upping your self-love game and perhaps find a therapist that you trust to be your guide on your journey to self-love. Being fearful of not being liked because you create healthy boundaries with other people is a huge sign of low self-esteem. It’s a sign that you don’t believe that your wants and needs matters or that you’re deserving to put your own well-being as your first priority.
I would also suggest weekly meditations, journaling, reconnecting with nature, and creating a personalized self-care plan, so that you can manage your anxiety and stress on a daily basis. When you’re tapping into your inner peace and power, finding your voice and creating healthy boundaries will start to become second nature.
Once your perspective starts to shift from owning your voice means being a b*tch to owning your voice means that you’re a healthy, well-adjusted, and confident adult, the need to derive your worth based on the opinion of others will start to lessen. and soon, saying, “Hell No,” will just roll off of the tongue.
Jane is the fictional heroine of the Betoken lifestyle blog, Good For Jane. Think of Jane as your virtual BFF. She lives a healthy lifestyle, but not like, over the top. When it’s not a pandemic, she loves hanging out with her friends, dating, and exercising in public. Throughout the pandemic she has baked her fair share of sourdoughs, gotten more than her fair share of takeout to “support her local restaurants”, ordered wine online and taken plenty of CBD to keep the anxiety at bay.
Jane is also the editor of the Dear Jane column. If you have a question for Jane, you can email her at email@example.com.
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