Dear Jane, How do I support my partner who suffers from anxiety?

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Dear Jane,

I’m looking for ways to support my partner who suffers from anxiety. I’ve been with my boyfriend for the last 3 years and we just moved in together before lockdown started in March 2020. What should have been an exciting time has become stressful with no escape from each other with his anxiety being triggered by all of the uncertainty around us. 

I’m not an anxious person and sometimes I struggle to understand his mood swings when he’s overthinking, fearful, and crippled with indecision. 

I don’t want to end things, but I’m also not sure how to support him without enabling him when his anxiety gets in the way of us having a happy and healthy relationship. 

How can I support him without losing my mind?

Please help,
Anxiously Waiting

Girl in bath about to use Betoken's bath bomb

Ask the real and direct question, ‘What do you need from me to help you cope with your anxiety?’

Dear Anxiously Waiting,

First, I commend your courage to acknowledge that your partner has a mental disorder, and instead of wanting to enable their behavior, you’re seeking to find ways to support your partner through their anxiety. 

Your boyfriend is one lucky guy. 

I’m sure this is not an unfamiliar situation for many of our readers, so whether or not you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or husband that suffers from anxiety, below are a few ways to show them support without sacrificing your sanity. 

Go to a few therapy sessions with your partner
The first step to supporting your person is to educate yourself on what anxiety is, what type of anxiety your partner has, and how anxiety is affecting their mental state. If you don’t understand what anxiety is, you’ll never be able to understand what your partner is going through.

I’m also a huge advocate of therapy, so especially if you or someone you love is suffering from anxiety, seeking professional help is key to being able to navigate their anxiety in a healthy way. 

The therapist can help you and your partner create a personalized plan for when your person’s anxiety gets triggered, so you can feel empowered to help them rather than helpless and at the mercy of their mood swings. 

Are you or your partner nervous about sitting face-to-face with a stranger during Covid times? I get that! Luckily many therapists these days are offering sessions 100% virtually, so be sure to ask about this option if it’s important to you.

Betoken Bath bomb pictured with nighty night in a path with a book and wine

Do mindful activities together as dates
As a way to manage and prevent your partner’s episodes of anxiety, make doing mindful activities a part of your lifestyle and make it fun with playful dates that can also help to self-soothe your partner and ease their anxiety.

One thing I love to do with my boyfriend is to take a couples bath together using the Go Away, I’m Fizzy Betoken CBD bath bomb

We add in bubble bath and soak together, enhancing the mood and relaxation with scented candles and wine. This combination makes for the perfect relaxing night in. 

Sometimes he’s in the bathtub alone and I just sit next to him while he enjoys the bath bomb. The key is to spend intentional time together while doing something that helps your partner to calm his or her mind.

You can also try walking in nature together, doing guided meditations together, take an online yoga class together, paint, write, or draw together, or read poetry and interesting books to each other.

Prioritize your own wants, needs, and overall well-being
Remember, your role is to support, but not to fix, so don’t lose yourself, your happiness, and your health in the pursuit of ‘fixing’ your partner. 

Instead of making yourself go crazy trying to figure out what your partner needs, ask the real and direct question, “What do you need from me to help you cope with your anxiety?” Sometimes you won’t have to do anything, and all they need is just to know that you’re there. 

Have your own therapy and self-care plan in place to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself and you’re not abandoning your wants, needs, and well-being. Yes, be a supportive partner but you can’t pour from an empty cup, so your overall wellness has to come first. 

Good luck Anxiously Waiting, you got this.

xoxo, Jane

Jane is the fictional heroine of the Betoken lifestyle blog, Good For Jane. Think of Jane as your virtual BFF. She lives a healthy lifestyle, but not like, over the top. When it’s not a pandemic, she loves hanging out with her friends, dating, and exercising in public. Throughout the pandemic she has baked her fair share of sourdoughs, gotten more than her fair share of takeout to “support her local restaurants”, ordered wine online, and taken plenty of CBD to keep the anxiety at bay. 

Jane is also the editor of the Dear Jane column. If you have a question for Jane, you can email her at

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