Dear Jane, How do I cope with lockdown loneliness?
I’m in my early 30’s and I’m single. Since lockdown started, it’s been really tough being on my own in my 2-bedroom apartment that now doubles as my at-home office. Even before the pandemic, I struggled with feeling like the odd girl out of my friendship group because everyone else is married and on their way to baby number one or two.
Seeing my friends post quarantine Instagram photos of doing silly things with their partners and kids only adds to my feeling of loneliness as I don’t even have my usual outlet of going out and socializing to distract me from wanting a partner and a family of my own.
When my friends ask me how I’m doing, I pretend that everything’s fine because I don’t want their pity or judgment for being the lonely single girl of the group.
What can I do to combat this feeling of being incomplete with only myself to keep me company?
Lonely with a Bit of Envy
Self-love isn’t selfish, it’s the foundation from which all of your relationships are built upon. Once you start to love the skin you’re in, you might be alone, but you’ll never be lonely.
Dear Lonely with a Bit of Envy,
I first want to say that everything that you’re feeling is completely normal. Everyone is having a hard time figuring out their new normal during the on-going quarantine. I can’t imagine how it feels to go through this isolation on your own, so I commend you for having the self-awareness to admit that you’re feeling lonely – and that you’re feeling a bit envious of your ‘married with children’ friends.
But just because you’re on your own, that doesn’t mean that you have to wallow in your feelings of emptiness. So don’t fret my dear friend, below are few ways for you to get your joy back and turn this lockdown into your glow up.
Take back your power by owning your singleness. See it as a strength and not as a weakness. Instead of feeling less than because all of your friends are in relationships, choose to intentionally use this time alone to date yourself and work on building up your self-esteem.
Cook your favorite meals, watch your favorite shows, take yourself on a picnic, or just treat yourself to something that’s solely for your pleasure every day simply because you deserve it. Show yourself the love, attention, and affection that you’re seeking from a partner, so you can become complete on your own.
Remember: self-love isn’t selfish, it’s the foundation from which all of your relationships are built upon. Once you start to love the skin you’re in, you might be alone, but you’ll never be lonely.
I also suggest using the Do Not Disturb combo to wind down after your solo date nights. The cozy combo includes a bamboo silk, plant-dyed eye mask (you can pick your fav color), and the Nighty Night capsules for a peaceful and restorative sleep so you can tackle each day feeling refreshed and ready to fall in love with yourself.
Build your tribe online
Instead of going down the rabbit hole of curated #blessed Instagram posts of your married besties, see if you can find online meet-up groups for singles. Just because you’re in lockdown that doesn’t mean that you still can’t meet, mingle, and get your flirt on.
Join an online group that shares your passions, interests, and hobbies. It might be virtual, but Zoom, Google Hangouts, YouTube Live, and FaceTime, can provide some much needed human connection and interaction while social distancing.
Plus, it might be helpful to find yourself some single girlfriends who can better support you since they are going through a similar life experience of navigating isolation while being on your own. It also might be easier to open to someone who understands where you’re at without the fear of being pitied, judged, or shamed. I promise you, there are some pretty awesome people over 30 that aren’t married, don’t have kids, and can be your newfound community and support system.
Cheers to loving yourself through lockdown.
Jane is the fictional heroine of the Betoken lifestyle blog, Good For Jane. Think of Jane as your virtual BFF. She lives a healthy lifestyle, but not like, over the top. When it’s not a pandemic, she loves hanging out with her friends, dating, and exercising in public. Throughout the pandemic she has baked her fair share of sourdoughs, gotten more than her fair share of takeout to “support her local restaurants”, ordered wine online, and taken plenty of CBD to keep the anxiety at bay.
Jane is also the editor of the Dear Jane column. If you have a question for Jane, you can email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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